Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
