um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
