Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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