I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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