I will die if light touches me.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize