Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
