Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
