The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
