dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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