i jhust puked up my retainher.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
