Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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