update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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