The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
