He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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