Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
