Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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