The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
