I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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