The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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