I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
