GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
