I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
