i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
