K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
