piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
