ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
