he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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