U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
