he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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