I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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