I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
