so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
