Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
