Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
