apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
