Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize