Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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