She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
