I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
