He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
