tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
