AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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