words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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