The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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