I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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