my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize