please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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