if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
