he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
