I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
