he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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