nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
