I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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