So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
