Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
