the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
