I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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