Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
