I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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