I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
