I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
