I can tuck mytits in my pants
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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