You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
