She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
