and you said cock pushups were impossible
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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