just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize