hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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