you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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