I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
