Porn is love you can see.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
