Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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