I'm going to jail i love you
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
