The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
